Some Thoughts...

*This is going to be a long post... beware...*

As usual I woke up later today. Breakfast was normal. Everything seems to be normal. Considering what happened, its kinda weird. Recovery isn't suppose to be so fast. Or is this the calm before the storm again?

One thing that has been nagging at me is that so far I haven't had the time to look at things on the macro view as its been the mirco view along. An interesting notion was raised regarding everything and I decided to give my usual planet conquering a rest and give thought to it.

"4 days too late? Or was it 4 days on time?"

Now this is very interesting. Sure most of the time people will use the ever over quoted "Whats Meant To Be Will Be" and not forgetting the also popular "Everything Happens For A Reason". And we leave it as that to comfort us and move on.

But with regards to this 4 days, I cannot but start to think even deeper. Sure I must qualify that I am no all knowing seer that can tell the future. I can only examine the past and analyse the present to deduce the cause, effects and reactions of it all. I think I will leave the future unknown for now(and forever).

I mean I could just leave it as it was meant to be and based on that I move on. I can also just take it that all that has happened within the past 2 weeks has to have reason behind it. But leaving that as it is would not be Kenneth would it...

For every action there is a driving factor behind it, and of course there will be an outcome because of that action. But it doesn't stop there, there will be a reaction to the surroundings. An example would be throwing a stone into a pound. The reason for it could be as simple as you feel like it since everyone else is doing it, the outcome is that the stone ends up at the bottom of the pound and the reaction is that ripples appear on the water surface.

Ok sure its a simple example, but yet when we think of it in terms of bigger things, the implications are so much more than just ripples on the water surface that will die off easily. But I will not provide more examples least your imagination goes wild.

Now back to the little situation that I have now. If I were to take it that it happened for a reason, and that it was suppose to be 4 days too late. What would be the driving force or cause of this action?

I mean why 4 days? Why not 5, a week later or even a month later? Although I must clarify also that 4 days is based on my initial estimate and analysis. Either way it would have happened within a certain period of less than a week. Could have been more or less but I conclude that it would have happened anyway.

The driving force for me to focus my attention on this matter which produced this outcome is simple. Something must have caught my attention to trigger off such an unusual not calculated unplanned move that forced me to alter my schedule and force me out of my shell.

The results of course is history but it did got me thinking more about myself and how I deal with things. Maybe there is something more I can improve on, something more I should pay more attention. But thats not the purpose of this post.

I am still slowly picking up the pieces to how I might have missed the warning signs and dropped into complacency. Well either way its a high price to pay that would keep me on my guard from now onwards.I do have some primary findings but until I gather more information, I will leave it as that.

The initial outcome was expected in some way. For all that I seem to be, I have eyes to see, ears to hear and a mind to think. For all that heartless stone cold machine like image I portray, I still have that organ that pumps blood to the rest of the body to keep me going.

And of cos, for me to actually do stuff out of the blue and out of my regular pattern, something else must be taking place. Of course maybe I could have done more, or I was doing it the wrong way. But again thats not why this post is here.

From the outcome, based on previous findings and understandings, things were suppose to move on like they should. Pain, Hurt and what not followed as expected. You could say been there done that and felt all that. After all the crap I been through before this, well it should be the usual routine recovery route. Ok maybe different situations requires different variants of medication, but over all its still the same.

But what seems to be out of the norm is the reaction to everything. How I anticipated everything to react turn upside down. Sure like I said, I can't tell the future if not I would buy 4D every week. But there would be some general expectations from everyone to as how it should turn out. After all I believe most of us would actually think abit before taking an action.

Sure there are risk and all that, but wouldn't there be a bit of thinking involved? Even so, the usual reactions expected did not turn out right. Things got messy and complicated that as of now, I am still rather puzzled with everything. Things dun make sense and loopholes are all over the place. This is most prob worst than losing a few important pieces in a 1000 pieces puzzle.

I spent a good time thinking through about this reaction. From something so simple to something so complicated. Is there something I seem to be missing out on? Or was there a missing link all along that I never seem to pick up on.

Either way I am glad in some way(yeah its hard to say it but its true) that all this has turned out this way. Seems like its better that it all happened now when things are still relatively small and hopefully can still be settled before things get really big.

How big and how much more damage it can do I have no idea. But somewhere deep down in me, I have this gut feeling something else is about to happen soon. Like the calm before the storm.

No one can predict(correctly) the reactions to things like that. Or at least I sure cannot but neither are we meant to used these estimated reactions to plan backwards(Rather this should be used to help us to think before we act on anything). As I spend even more time thinking, I seems to be concluding that something else happened. Its almost like something went wrong, rash decisions were made to cover up and that caused even more inconsistency like a noob hacker trying to be funny only to be found out by the policy in the Intrusion Detection Agent(sorry techie talk).

Call this a little distraction from everything but I intend to continue finding out what really happened behind the scenes. Even now I still feel there are more than meets the eye. Somehow I see myself getting implicated even more and that is something I dun enjoy.

But until I find out what really happened, or it surfaces itself, I will just leave it at that. For in my finite mind I might also be wrong. But my conclusion that this was meant to happen so that something will surface is strong. And until proven otherwise i will stick to it.

Still Fighting On,
Kenneth.